How to Plan Your Own Funeral
More and more people are choosing to plan their own funeral while they’re in good health — not because they’re being morbid, but because they want clarity, control, and, most of all, to take the pressure off their loved ones when the time comes.
Some do it to ensure the ceremony truly reflects who they are. Others want to avoid family stress or confusion at an already emotional time. You can go it alone, plan with a funeral director, or work with a dedicated service like mine that helps manage everything surrounding the day — not just the funeral itself, but the gathering around it.
If you’d like to take the reins yourself, here’s where to begin:
1. Decide on the Tone and Format
Would you like a traditional religious funeral? A civil ceremony? A celebration of life? Indoors or outdoors? Quiet and reflective, or full of music and stories? Once you know the tone, the rest flows from there.
2. Think About the Practicalities
Do you want a wake? If so, would you prefer it at home or in a venue? Would you like an open casket or not? Would you like a particular funeral director involved? These early decisions are hugely helpful for your family to know.
3. Choose a Location for Each Part of the Day
Think about where you’d like each element to take place — the ceremony itself, your final resting place, and the gathering afterwards. That might mean a church or civil venue for the service, burial or cremation depending on your wishes, and a hotel, pub, or even your own home for the post-funeral gathering.
4. Plan the Details That Matter to You
This is where your personality can shine through. Would you like a particular song, singer, or reading? Is there a colour theme or dress code you’d like guests to follow? Would you like personal tributes from friends and family, or something more low-key? These little touches make the service feel unmistakably “you.”
5. Think About Food and Format
After the ceremony, what kind of gathering would you like? A quiet cup of tea and sandwiches? A pub lunch? A seated three-course meal? Canapés and champagne? There’s no wrong answer. You can outline the tone, scale, and even the kind of food and drink you’d love served in your honour.
6. Put It in Writing — Clearly
Don’t leave it to memory or vague conversations. Document your wishes in a way that’s easy to find and understand — whether it’s a formal plan, a letter to your next of kin, or a note held with your solicitor. Most importantly, make sure your loved ones know you’ve made a plan — and where to find it when the time comes.
7. Consider Payment and Costs
Would you like to pre-pay for any part of your funeral or the gathering afterwards? Do you plan to set aside funds, or will your family be covering the costs? If you’ve already made financial arrangements — such as through a funeral plan or savings — make sure the details are clearly recorded and accessible. This helps avoid confusion and prevents unexpected expenses falling to loved ones during an already difficult time.
Planning your own funeral might feel unusual at first, but it’s one of the kindest and most empowering things you can do — for yourself and the people you love. As I say to many of my clients through The Funeral Planner, a beautiful, personal farewell isn’t just possible — it can be straightforward, stress-free, and even comforting to plan.
